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[04 Aug 2006|10:40am] |
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 brooding |
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music |
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Perdition |
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where does one begin when their thoughts are all mixed up and everywhere you turn the sights and sounds around you only offer confusion
i seem to have lost all focus
i seem to have lost myself almost completely
i don't really understand who i am now
and the simplest of questions have been taking what seems like years to answer, or never at all
life is just about this is it
the constant struggle for self acceptance, search for the reason of exsisting, fight to not allow fear to take a hold, to not have to always watch what i say...shouldn't i have figured this all out by now
why do i keep on with this constant struggle within myself?
i am using this today as a sound board, and don't really expect answers for any of this from anyone...just need to think, try and really think...start to focus, start to understand, find that path i have thrown myself off of (not really remembering when exactly that happened)
this is not at all about feeling sorry for myself...this is about self realization and determining my purpose of being
i know "everything" isn't/ shouldn't be "all about me"
and it is difficult to even make the time for "me" when i so freely offer my own energy to others...freely and what seems to be without notice or thought from whom i give this to...meaning i am feeling like a doormat in so many ways it's so not funny
but i must begin the journey...let's start with this....
if i was to list 5 things i like about myself they could be:
1. patience (i have en endless amount of this)
2. strength (physically and emotionally,i can fall hard and heal with the pain)
3. lover (i love deeply and forgive maybe too easily)
4. nurturer (i love to give, help and make others feel important)
5. passionate (with a creative fire, to sing, to give of myself freely to the one i adore, fight for the safety of those i care for...)
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| come and see Messiah Miracles's amazing talents |
[12 Dec 2005|12:44pm] |
it promises to be an amazing show...Messiah Miracles was invited to play a part in this night by the most talented doctor of mind reading, Mysterion,and the other performers are equally as exciting!!
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| Some Fun |
[04 Jul 2005|01:27pm] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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Clinton (aka Messiah Miracles) is taking a part in the "Girlesque show" where he will be performing a little bit of MagiK at the Gladstone Hotel, on July 8th...
oh and i will be accompanying him as his assistant for the evening...
if this tickles your interest at all, please come down to take a peek or maybe have a giggle or two
it should be plenty of fun...
xo
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| just had to be |
[21 Mar 2005|07:59pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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 | You scored as Count Dracula. You are the charming, ravenous vampire from Bram Stoker's classic novel. A frightful spectre from the shadows of history, you harvest the blood of the living to perpetuate your existence. Though you are hospitable and charming, it is only an insidious ruse to cover your carnivorous intentions.
Count Dracula | | 92% | Frankenstein's Monster | | 83% | Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde | | 79% | Dorian Gray | | 71% | The Headless Horseman | | 63% | The Invisible Man | | 46% | </td>
What's Your 19th Century Horror Character?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| sigh |
[19 Mar 2005|12:10pm] |
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mood |
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weird |
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the more i think about it the more i want it to happen
but i have no clue as to how to go about it
i want to sing so bad i cry
karaoke isn't giving the same buzz it used to...the gratification isn't there
but it still does put a smile on my silly face
if anyone has some good advice on this please let me know
how does one find a partner in crime for such a deal
i want to make music...my truest love is this...singing
please help ease my heart's cries
feeling at a loss
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| the pains of food |
[20 Oct 2004|10:00am] |
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mood |
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weird |
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music |
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falling rain |
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now i have a new reason to frown...this is because of my utter disappointment in not being able to have Caramel Apples anymore!!! how cruel is that!? i ask you :(
i had one yesterday and soon discovered a discomfort and had not realized what i had done until i read the ingredients of those sweet little squares of tasty yums "CreamyCaramels"
they have whole milk in the ingredients, butter and possibly some egg!
death for me...well death to a relaxing evening anyways
and so i have recently discovered or learned i have no real desire to eat...the pleasure is gone,,,it's more like a chore now to nourish myself, make sure i have some energy to keep my mind working, eyes open, my hands and feet moving...this caramel apple disappointment makes the point even more clear to me...
there were so many things i used to love and couldn't wait to have again
but now it seems that most of what i used to long for i am no longer actually able to have
this means i am unable to eat most animal proteins (including eggs and dairy products)and sometimes i am unable to handle wheat as well...which can make eating out very interesting and a challenge...i can get very ill, sharp pains, head aches, and sleepiness...
sigh
i wish i could just wake up one day and be able to have a deviled egg, or a big milk shake, or a basket of bbq chicken wings...sigh...i am not a true vegan...none of this is by choice...but i do understand the meaning of "you don't know what you have till it's gone"
so for those of you who can devour a Caramel Apple, and want to of course, or maybe you'd like to have a big fat hamburger with all of the good stuff on it (even mayo...sigh)...Enjoy it!! you are luckier than you may know
that's all
i have to accept it...
for now
until someone develops a way to transplant a stomach successfully
hehe...or if there was a way to erase yourself and start all over again ;)
creating a stronger better you
but that sounds like a whole new topic doesn't it? ^-^
~la
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[16 Sep 2004|05:29pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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humming my own tune |
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as the world
comes tumbling down
to meet me where
i would stand
the chance for change awaits
and may understanding begin
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[11 Sep 2004|12:17pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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lamb |
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so i begin
a journal
what day to day may bring
and may not bring
... as you have probably already guessed...if there is a "you" out there who may be reading my dribble...i am a "newbie"
and i send out greetings and a big smile with my hello!
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glimmerings's journal
